Coming alive

A few discoveries I've made of late:

1. If I work out first thing in the morning (if I can force myself to get my run in), I don't have the cigarette cravings. Hello to the naturally occurring happy chemicals.

2. As inadvisable as it is, skipping breakfast and lunch is a great way to shed those unwanted pounds.

3. Caffeine on an empty stomach is a great shortcut to Super Perky. Warning: May cause jitters.

4. This quote on a friend's Facebook page:

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." --Howard Thurman

It's kind of a challenge, because with my mental state, I haven't felt alive in some time. But there are things that make me feel relaxed, that make me as not-crazazy as I ever am these days. Knitting. Writing fiction. Playing Monopoly with Hot Mess. Interviewing people for work, I discovered recently. Work in general does it a little better when it's something that I feel passionate about.

I don't spend a whole lot of time feeling passionate about my work, so I guess that's where the problem lies. Canuck recognizes this and has some kind of big plan in the works to get us working together  on projects that would impassion me, so I guess I can just wait to see how that comes together.

What about the rest? I'm doing more and more work for another department, which helps feeed that jones for talking to people and learning and sharing their stories. A/V and Art Guy have both suggested showing some of my knitting at a local art/craft gallery (I think) and maybe getting some money for it. With music, I can take Jazz Guy up on that invitation to sing with him and his band the next time they play out, and I can save up for that piano I've been drooling over. And between the novel and the short fiction I've got going, I could conceivably be able to make some amount of money off of my fiction in the not-too-distant future.

Monopoly with Hot Mess is not likely to ever pay off.

I guess the trick now is maintaining the energy and desire to do the things that make me feel alive. Because honestly, all I've wanted to do lately is ass around on my couch, surfing the Internet. And that isn't getting any writing written, knitting knitted, or songs sung. The sucky unfairness of depression: that the things that would make you feel better are the things you can't be arsed to do.