Moving on

Well, Hot Mess did call, and I almost wish he hadn't. He's moving, which I knew, but he's going in just under a month, which I didn't. He made some comment about how he would bring me with him if I wasn't moving into my new apartment, but I'm pretty sure he was joking.

He looked so good, all tanned and toned. He was in a good mood with all kinds of stories from his trip. He brought me back tea. And when we laid down on the couch to watch TV, he started kissing my neck, and it felt so sweet, and then we were kissing... and then we were doing other things that we shouldn't have been doing right there on the sofa. So not much for the romance there. But it felt good, and I needed to be close to him since he was leaving.

I think I was more honest about my feelings tonight than I've been with him, and I think it surprised him. When he accused me of lying about being tired, I told him that I was tired but I still wanted him around. And as he was leaving, I told him I couldn't wish him good luck when he moved because he'd be gone longer, but I couldn't wish him bad luck because I'd feel guilty. Part of me hopes that'll make him realize that I have feelings for him and maybe change his behavior accordingly, but the smart part of me knows better.

I'm thinking this moving thing could be positive. It'll make him happy, and it'll get him away from me so I can focus on getting my life together without him, whatever it takes. The distance will do me good.

He may be a hot mess, but I'm definitely the regular kind.